Saturday, October 10, 2015

Day 1: Living Loud

Editor’s Note: There’s a 31-day writing challenge going on. I’m unfashionably late to the party, but I’m joining nonetheless. So here we go. 31 stream-of-consciousness thoughts on living loud.

We moved this summer. We now live a mere six hours from our former home. It doesn’t sounds like much, but in some ways it’s a lifetime away from our old lives.

Our new area is lovely. Wild turkeys roam just behind our back fence. An owl noisily inhabits the tall tree in our yard. The neighbors are warm and generous. They welcomed us with cookies and homemade eggrolls and an insistence that we borrow a card table and chairs until the moving truck arrived.

We kind of floated through the summer, punch drunk on the novelty of new schools, new parks, new shops. But now that the kids are back in school and we’ve been here long enough to be “settled,” loneliness has knocked and left herself in.

One of the biggest issues is that my 9-5 here doesn’t resemble what it looked like before and I’m floundering without that sense of identity buoying me.

This is, of course, the perfect time for a restart. I don’t have to pick up exactly where I left off. I can use this time to revamp and recharge and reconnect with dusty dreams. But I’ve had a hard time re-framing this “free time.” I don’t see a blank canvas, I see an empty one.

Today after a good wallow, I figured out why. I’m worried that people will think I’m lazy, that they’ll wonder why it’s taken me so long to get back in the game, that I’ve gone rusty.

It’s easy to believe that we are at a standstill unless the production line is moving. How many times have we heard that if we aren’t gearing up, we’re breaking down?

This is not the warm-up for the next phase. It’s not a hiccup or a bump in the road. This is the next day of my life.

1 comment:

  1. The word lazy is definitely not applicable to you!