Friday, February 5, 2016

The Adoption Question I’m Most Frequently Asked: Do Your Kids Get Along?

The adoption-related question I’m most frequently asked is: Do your kids get along? This confounds me to no end. It’s as if people assume that adoption predisposes children to be compatible or incompatible. Every time I’m asked if my kids get along I want to ask that person if they were every kid. Yes, my kids get along. Until they don’t.

Right now they are 6, 6 and 4. When asked, they’ll say that their best friend is their sister or their brother. That being said, they’ve been known to bully, cajole, wheedle and gang up on each other. In other words, they act like what they are - siblings.

All three of our kids are adopted. In a way that starts everyone out on a leveling play field. Everyone got here the same way – an airplane. But there are plenty of kids who feel like they were born into the wrong family, just like there are kids who feel like they were adopted into the wrong family. Your “fit” in your family isn’t about biology, so much as it’s about temperament and family temperature.

Our kids squabble. They get resentful. They take sides, often against Matt and me. But they know what is thicker than water – love is.

Each time we added to our numbers there was a transition period. Going from one to two was rough. We called it a broken hallelujah. We were being euphemistic. Going from two to three was no cakewalk either, but it bonded the older two tight. They had a common problem. His name was little brother.

Today all three are friends. They don’t know how to be anything else.

I don’t know if our kids will always be as close as they are now. That’s certainly my prayer and my wish and we will do everything in our power to foster a continued close connection between them. For now all I know is that their shared future depends upon a shared history.

The future, coming soon to a present near you.


  1. Well, everybody just knows that biological siblings always get along!


    Seriously - people actually ask you that? How in the world do you respond?

    - K.

  2. I tell the truth: best friends and worst enemies!!